Everyone over stretches themselves from time to time, promising to be in multiple places at once, working from early in the morning to late at night, attempting to care for everyone else while not caring for yourself, we’ve all been there. This post attempts to outline 6 easy ways you can set up manageable boundaries within your day to day so that you leave more time to care for you!
1. Name your limits.
It seems pretty obvious, but you can’t set good boundaries if you don’t even know what they are. So, begin by considering what you can tolerate and accept and what situations might make you feel uncomfortable or stressed. Knowing what might trigger these emotions is key to learning how best to avoid them when possible.
2. Be direct.
Of course, some people, maybe close friends and family, don’t require a direct outline of boundaries, they just know what your boundaries are as they have been there for your highs and lows. Often this is the case if people have similar communication styles, personalities, experiences and general approaches to life.
But, with others, perhaps those with a different personality or background, don’t be scared about being more direct about your boundaries.
Consider this situation: One person feels that challenging someone’s opinions is a healthy of communicating but the other feels this is disrespectful. Neither person is essentially wrong but have a different approach to the same situation. It may seem dauntingly rude to have to state your own boundaries and what you can and can’t tolerate, but, look at it this way, by setting boundaries now you are simply avoiding conflict in the future.
3. Give yourself permission.
Fear, guilt and self-doubt often prevent us from being clear about our boundaries. As we’ve established, we often fear upsetting the other person when setting our own boundaries. We might feel guilty saying “no” to a close friend or family member. Many feel they should be able to cope with a situation or say “yes” because of expectations on them to be a good friend, even if it means feeling over stretched or burnt out.
But boundaries aren’t just a sign of a healthy relationship; they’re a sign of acknowledging your own self- worth. By giving yourself permission to set boundaries and preserving them, you are making it clear that you are just as worthy of care as those who you love.
4. Practice self-awareness.
So, boundaries are all about honing in on your feelings and honouring them. If you see your boundaries slipping and falling back into old habits, ask yourself “What’s changed?” Consider “What I am doing or what is the other person doing?” or “What is it about this particular situation that is making me feel resentful or stressed?”. Then, mull over your options: “What am I going to do about the situation?” or “What do I have control over?”. It’s never too late to state what your boundaries are and if you feel under too much pressure, everyone will understand and may even be feeling the same.
5. Be assertive.
Okay so you know your own boundaries, great, but they don’t work until you put them into practise, this may be the daunting part. We may often assume that people know how we feel automatically, but people aren’t mind readers and may not always be on the same page as you. If they aren’t, it is important to assertively tell a person when they have crossed a boundary, the majority of people will appreciate you being honest, I swear!
In a respectful way, tell the other person what may have upset or bothered you and then you can work together and discuss how best to avoid this in the future. Easy.
6. Start small.
Like any new skill, its all about the practice. Perhaps start off with a small boundary and then build up to larger life changes. In this way you can learn what approaches work best, and perhaps what doesn’t.
Essentially, setting boundaries requires courage, practice and support. Remember the change will not happen overnight, it’s a skill that you will master but in the long run will be worth it.
We hope you find these tips and tricks helpful, for more content make sure you follow us on Facebook @NiemannPickUK.
Researched and written by NPUK Communications Assistant, Eleanor Lily Taggart.
